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Without Identity

by Saint Bernard

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1.
Come Back 03:44
My Heart would beat if it didn't meet your cauldron full of concrete. So thick, Jaws of Life couldn't crack the shell. I'm tortured in my hell. I don't think gin will bring you back again, but it helps to soothe my head. The thought of you and me maybe what I see. I'll keep it in the back of my mind where you find what makes me come back every night. I'll never be as complete without you in my life. Every girl I meet, every heart that beats, I'll search for you in them. I'd hoped someday we could run away and move out to the coast, where the tide on the beach may reach our feet. It always creeps back to the sea, where you'll find what makes me come back every night. The stars that glow, they seem to show your face in a constellation burst. The wind in the trees calls out to me, for a moment, I hear your voice. There's nothing left in me that could ever believe you'd want to stick around, but I'll live day to day, be cordial everyday, then drink away my nights. 'Cause it's you that makes me come back every night. Come back.
2.
Sutures 02:43
I got rid of my heart because I thought I could be apart, sleep apart. Tugged at my sutures too much. Swear I thought I could feel your touch. I made sure it was gone. I didn't want this feeling to be life long. It's not my own. The sound it grows. It echoes up. I'm not alone. Pushing my blood throughout my veins, this spectral force always remains. My chest butterflied and bare, hollowed out but a pulse is there, and I'm aware that It's not my own. The sound it grows. It echoes up. I'm not alone. Pushing my blood throughout my veins, this spectral force always remains. I got rid of my heart because I thought I could be apart, Sleep apart. Sleep apart. Sleep apart. I got rid of my heart.
3.
When I woke up, it was raining. I was outside. I passed out before the clouds came in. In a haze, I walked to your house. Out of habit. I'd forgotten you moved away. There's nothing quite like being met by a stranger when vulnerable and sad. And I'll talk about it, yeah, I'll talk about it. But I realize nothing can be the same again, and when I call, I get nothing. It's not worth it to pretend that this is working. I can't be okay. Black coffee and cigarettes. None of my friends can attest 'cause I've fallen off the face of earth. Leave the house, I don't close the door. Find escape right before the fields fill with blood and I'm left here sinking, thinking it's because I can't help but make the same mistakes and my hand begins to quake when the phone's near, right here. I can't pick it up, and it's probably just my luck because I realize nothing can be the same again, and when I call, I get nothing. It's not worth it to pretend that this is working. I can't be okay. Under a sunlight canopy, I'll wash away misanthropy and any resentment I may have. As twilight alters the hues from golden light to dark blue, I'll clutch tightly to my memories with you.
4.
Lover, you've lost your luster looking for lockets you've lost long ago. A diamond draped round your finger finds constant callous crushing heartache. His gravestone greets familiar footsteps, now frozen in freshly fallen snowflakes. So softly, your touch traces his name. Never to feel that fond embrace emerge again. And she cries 'cause living a lie's lead to her lover's last breath. Boy, feelings of fire can kindle desire and drive to another's arms. Although the man may hold your hand and make you mournful of marriage. The man who truly once said, "I do" didn't deserve do doubt your loyalty. Living like lovers is a long road. Rough patches perch perfectly overhead. Once they're tempted to try to taste forbidden fruit, frayed fibers are tangled and tugged. To her pocket pushes her hand, feels for her locket. Looks so longingly. "Last call!" She's lost in her head. He's still haunting her home. The ghost grieves stasis and sad. And she cries 'cause drinking didn't help heal her heart. The grieving ghosts gotta go. Great feelings of fire shift from stasis and snow, and drive to destruction of self. Some sort of man may still hold your hand, and matchbox your memories of marriage. The man who once truly said, "I do" wanted whatever to make you feel merry.
5.
6.
I saved for seven months to buy you the ring. When I finally asked, you didn't say a thing. I watched the tides roll in on the dunes of your eyes. You embraced me harder than you ever have, said "yes" through joyous cries. Oh God, can this be true? To spend my life with you. If Heaven exists, this is it. I've seen the world anew. We set forth making plans to turn this house into a home in a quiet neighborhood, our kids could finally roam. We joined our solaces, and I made you my wife. In the nighttime, autumn air, we drove to our new life. I can't find anything more grand. There's nothing more enchanting than your fond caress or your loveliness. You've made me feel so blessed. All the while, some power unseen, some divine being, without saying why, cast our tires towards the sky. I watched blood trickle from your head and every birthday, anniversary, our future faded into red. I held tight to your hand, through sobs, I screamed your name, but your muscles were unresponsive, and no comfort ever came. "God, breathe. Just breathe. Please breathe. Give me a pulse or open an eye. You can't leave me here without saying, 'goodbye'!" The electric orchestra played a death march through the halls, and while the earth bleeds beside me, church bells somberly resonate through it all. The coroner confirmed what we already knew. My halcyon days are over. Life continues without you. So we gathered, dressed in black. The choir sang "Hallelu-" A myriad faces approached telling me I'll get through if I breathe. Just breathe. Please breathe! Turn off the lights to my heart, close the door. No one lives here anymore. On sleepless nights when I need you next to me, I clutch tight to our photograph remind myself, "just breathe."
7.
My porcelain heart, it mirrors the snow. Antithesis of warmth. It hides away the hope. There's no "happy ever after." No pleasant ending to this chapter. I'll never see you again. I'll never see you again. I just wanna talk. I just wanna talk. I fear this is a sick from not sleeping. This staying up all night keeps me down thinking, "deep inside, I know, I have no eternal soul." "Our Father"'s silence hurts. Your absence makes it worse. I just wanna talk. I just wanna hear your voice. I just wanna feel you near. I just wanna be okay.
8.
I hope that someday, when I die, that there won't be an afterlife. That, maybe, I'll cease to exist. Then, maybe someday, I won't be missed. But there's got to be so much more than this, but I'd hesitate to call it a blissful life. Stranded in the ocean of my bed, I long for the days when I held your head. I reminisce so fondly 'cause I know it's something I'll never see again. But there's got to be so much more than this, but I'd hesitate to call it a blissful life. I hope that someday, when I die, that there won't be an afterlife.
9.
Oh, ignorance. Oh, how naive to think I could ever know what you're going through. The only apple that hangs from my tree shakes bare in the breeze. I don't wanna be an albatross around your neck, but your arrow pierced my chest, so throw me out to sea. There's a mutiny deep within me between happiness and misery. I've paid my penance for all my sins, but the memory lives within. I don't wanna be an albatross around your neck, but your arrow pierced my chest, so throw me out to sea. I don't wanna be an albatross around your neck, but your arrow pierced my chest, so throw me out to sea, where I'll sink like a lead weight. I'll sink like a lead weight. I don't wanna be an albatross around your neck, but your arrow pierced my chest, so throw me out to sea, where I'll sink like a lead weight. I'll sink like a lead weight.

about

"Without Identity" is the second album from Columbus, Ohio folk-duo, Saint Bernard. The album was written over the span of 3 years immediately following the release of "The Spirit of the Stairs" and features a stronger emotional dynamic.

credits

released March 22, 2015

All lyrics written by Kevin Murray.

Tracks 1, 3, 6, 8, & 9 written and performed by Kevin/Ian.
Tracks 2 & 7 written and performed by Kevin.
Track 6 written and performed by Ian.
Track 4 written and performed by Kevin/Ian/Eric.

Saint Bernard is:
Kevin Murray - Vocals, Acoustic Guitar, Electric Guitar, Banjo.
Ian Craig - Bass Guitar, Piano, Drums.
Eric French - Sound Engineer, Producer.

Additional performances by:
-Andrew Picklesimer: Drums on "Blissful Life."
-Eric French: "Sweep" electric guitar lead on "Waltz No. 2 (Until Death Do Us Part)."
-Vocals on "The Mutiny Within Me": Dana Greene, Laura Greene, Andrew Picklesimer, and Josh Carter (of the band Embers of Arson), Eric French (of the band Hawkline), & Emmy Beach.


Huge thank you to Embers of Arson for always being willing to help us out with everything on a moment's notice (be it album performances, booking shows, etc), Eric French for helping us shape this album into something greater than we could ever have hoped for, Tom Boyer for letting us use his studio for mixing/mastering stuff, and the biggest thanks to everyone who listens to this and supports us! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

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Saint Bernard Columbus, Ohio

Saint Bernard is a Columbus, Ohio based folk-duo consisting of Kevin Murray (Guitar and Vocals) and Ian Craig (Bass and Backing Vocals).

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